I'll start off by saying I am 15 years old and I just found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend is 16 and will stand by me no matter what I decide to do.
Before you tell me I young and irresponsible, please hear me out- I am in love with my boyfriend and we were very careful, a condom we were using broke and the next day I even got the morning after pill, but sure enough, I'm still pregnant.
My mother, my boyfriend, and my close friends know. My friends are very supportive and urge me to keep the baby. My boyfriend thinks abortion is best, but will definitely be there for me if I decide I want to keep. My mother, on the other hand, is a strong believer in family planning and has had multiple abortions, none of which she regrets and she's nearly forcing me to get an abortion. When she found out I was pregnant, the first thing she did was call an abortion clinic and make me an apt without asking me or talking to me about what I wanted to do. The apt is coming up on Thursday and I still have no idea what I want to do.
Me and my boyfriend are mature but we truthfully aren't ready for a child. We live with our parents in very small homes, we don't have jobs, we are still in highschool and I can't drive; Luckily he can. We're broke and so are our parents. I don't know how I would manage to raise a child at this age and I can't really see myself doing it. But, I guess my bedroom at my parent's house is big enough for a nursery on one half of the room; me and my boyfriend could get day jobs and go to night school (a program run by our high school for kids who need day jobs). It's doable, and our parents would be helpful and supportive, although angry at first.. but do I really want to ruin the best years of mine and my boyfriend's life with a baby?
However, just knowing there's a beautiful little baby, MY baby, inside my tummy makes abortion a hard decision. I've been crying for days knowing my only real option is abortion, as I'm just not mentally prepared for abortion and I already am heartbroken that I may have to go through it. It scares me that I'll have to say good-bye to my baby as I'm put under anesthesia, knowing when I wake up my baby will be dead. I know for a fact afterwards I'll be deeply depressed, heartbroken, regretful, and guilty.. I have struggled with self harm, eating disorders, and depression before.. Just when my life was starting to cheer up and I found the love of my life, this happened and now I have to murder such an innocent little creature. I'm afraid I'll become deeply depressed and suicidal afterwards, I can't focus on school or anything knowing I'm aborting my baby on Thursday.
I mentally cannot handle this abortion and it will break me. I've talked to my mother but she's persistent in her idea that abortion is the best option. as far as mine and my boyfriend's futures go, she's right.. but I simply can't do it.
I can't raise a baby, but I can't abort. Adoption is out of the picture, I could never carry a child for 9 months, give birth to my beautiful baby and hold her, then give her away..
So really, I guess it comes down to this. Do I try to cope with severe depression, or do I ruin mine and my boyfriend's futures with a baby?
All three options seem pretty damn horrible and I'm basically ready to give up and commit suicide now.